Your parents, partner, housemate or landlord has been away for a week, and you have been enjoying the time alone in Acton. You’ve had a lovely, relaxing week with your feet up on the sofa embracing the silence and you are feeling truly Zen. The problem is, they left you with one job, “clean the house while I’m away”. Not only have you not done that, but if anything you have made it worse, there’s washing up piled up in the sink and you don’t even want to consider what that mark on the wall is. You are going to be in so much trouble, there’s no way you can do a week’s worth of cleaning in a week, is there?
Call in help
If you can find the A-Team, it would be a good time to make that call, but the chances are you are going to have to settle for a B-Team of your own creation in W3. Call in favours, call friends and family members, anyone who you know will not report your laziness.
Once you have assembled your crack team of cleaning professionals, make a checklist of everything that needs doing. Once this list is finished, split up, you can divvy the list into jobs, or you can take a room each, whichever makes the most sense considering the mess you have to deal with. Five or six people working as a team can do a day’s cleaning for one person in minutes. Okay, maybe not minutes, but just maybe you’ll get it done in the hour that you have. Make sure you have all the cleaning supplies you need in Acton, W12, surface sprays, glass sprays, polish and rags, washing up liquid, bathroom cleaners, kitchen cleaners and anything else that may be necessary. If you do not, designate one team member (preferably the quickest one) to run to the nearest shop and pick up everything else you need.
The first thing you notice when you walk into a house is the smell, all the cleaning in the world won’t help you if you are immediately given away by the combined scents of the past week of laziness. You know there’s going to be some odd smells in the house, your friends were happy to point this out when they arrived to help clean. Use air freshener sprays or plug-ins, light incense sticks and oil burners, open all doors and windows and allow those tell-tale odours to just drift away on the breeze.
Don’t forget anywhere
This is a cover up operation, so there can be no half measures, deep clean the bathroom, get in every corner, every nook and cranny of the home in Acton. Your next stop is the fridge, there is definitely something in there that you meant to eat a few days ago, clear out all produce that has gone off or past it’s best before date and throw it away. Put a black bag in every room, fill them and immediately take them outside. Not only does this remove the evidence, it also reduces the risk of unexpected odours or leakages from bin bags. Remove all of the sofa cushions and hoover underneath them, after collecting any loose change that may have been collected there of course. Clean the outside of all cupboards and check inside them for any out of date items. It’s easy to spill stuff on cupboards while cooking and even easier to forget it’s there.
Once you are satisfied that every corner of the house in W3 has been cleaned, remove your helpers from the house, they’re evidence too. Now all you have left to do is sit back down and perfect your “Oh, I forgot you were coming back today” face.